The Glorious Decade

1 - 10 "Travel & Holidays"

2009-10-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

1. New York City

2009-10-30T13:33:00.005-07:00

The Chrysler Building, yellow cabs, bright lights, cocktails at the top of the Woolworth Building, walking around a park with Zadie Smith discussing the launch of my first novel, bridges between pale streets... New York is, I don't know why, the location for a good third of all my dreams. Especially dreams in which I am a writer.

Perhaps it is the architecture. The Chrysler. The Woolworth. The Flatiron. All that beauty. All that up. A climbing to the clouds. A city both in the sky and on the earth, it lends itself to imagination. It is strange that the magic realists all came from South and not North America. Or perhaps not: perhaps when the reality is as large as the New York skyline is, one doesn't need magic?

I speak almost as if I have already been there, which in a way I have. It is where my imagination lives. Where my creativity refuels. My dreams play out. In my head the city is a crumpled map and where the paper touches the streets bend to meet as well. It is where museums open out onto monkey houses. Where restaurants are frequented by talking rhinoceros. Where I walk from one mythical encounter to the next, across five or six dimensions, with only the limit of my thoughts as my boundaries...

So I want to see the reality. To see what the city really is. To climb its skyscrapers. To breath its air. To taste it. To lose myself in its bookshops. Its poetry. Its words.

2. Belgium

2009-10-30T13:33:00.003-07:00

A more straight forward travel this one.

Belgium: Excellent beer, fine chocolate, mussels, chips, mayonnaise.

There are destinations that want, beg, us to see as much as possible. I defy anyone with a healthy interest in the world to even scrape the surface of Vienna in a long weekend. The dumbest thing I have ever heard was upon telling someone that Jo and I were, for our honeymoon, spending three weeks in New Zealand their reply of "yeah, any longer than that and you would run out of things to do." You could live in New Zealand for a century and not run out of things to do.

Belgium however, lends itself to that other sort of holiday. The type where we learn to slow our pace and take things more gently. To learn to sit back and observe. That isn't to imply that there is nothing to do in Belgium but to accept the fact that after a hearty lunch and a few cherry beers there is only so far one is prepared to move.

Second on the list then is a short break in Belgium. Drinking, eating, sitting. Doing a lot of not doing a lot.

Beer, chips and chocolate.

Maybe read a Tintin or two.

3. Dublin

2009-10-30T13:33:00.001-07:00

I am perhaps the only person in the world who hasn't been to Dublin. Seeing as one of my friends lives there and another is in the process of joining him, and seeing as I have never met anyone with a bad word to say about the place, and seeing as how I really like Ireland, I feel I really should make the ridiculously short journey across the sea and visit the place at some point in the next decade.

Sooner rather than later really.

Ireland produces some good cheeses too. Very, very good cheeses.

4. Machu Picchu

2009-10-30T13:32:00.002-07:00

The big, expensive holiday.

I have tried to make the majority of things on my list 'do-able' even going so far as to put most of the more outlandish ideas in their own seperate section at the end. However if I am to pick one really big holiday in the next ten years it will be this one. Machu Picchu.

I have done a little research. You can go on a holiday which inolves walking up part of the way to the top which means you get to spend the next morning there before all the other tourists turn up on the train. You can also extend your holiday with a trip to the amazon jungle.

I don't really need to go into a 'why' I want to go. It is an Inca city 8000ft in the sky. I think almost everyone would like to go.

5. The Aran Islands

2009-10-30T13:32:00.001-07:00

When we went to Galway we didn't have time to get to the Aran Islands. In a nutshell I would quite like to spend a little time pootling about on the islands on a bicycle looking at old stones and that.

In our delicious postmodern world the Aran Islands are sold as being a taste of what Ireland was. The ferries that pour with tourists I'm sure put pay to that. However a bike and a notepad, a packed lunch and a search for solitude... Nothing is impossible.

The islands are all but littered with iron-age bits and pieces and they are as West as you can go without swimming to the Americas.

I would also like to go back to the area round Galway. Jo and I had a really nice time there a couple of years ago. Good food too. I remember fondly a perfectly cooked steak delicately garnished with about half a pound of garlic butter. mmmm soooo good.

6. The Pointless Pilgrimage

2009-10-30T13:29:00.003-07:00

It was going to be Boltzman. It was always going to be Boltzman. I have always loved the idea of a man who died so committed to his theory that he had his equation, and nothing else, on his headstone. However. The truth is slightly less romantic. It seems that his rich and powerful friends put his equation on there. And it is on a huge headstone. And it has a bust. And it is in Vienna which is a little too mainstream a destination for a pointless pilgrimage.

But though the specific example is flawed the principle, the theory remains. The idea of a group of people going on a ridiculous journey to see one thing and then coming back, not necessarily feeling any better about themselves for doing it. The pointless pilgrimage.

Maybe it should still be Boltzman. Maybe I should read a biography and check my facts (I have read somewhere about a 'first' graveyard?) Maybe there is more to life than travelling half way across to Europe to visit the grave of a relatively obscure scientist anyway.

A pointless pilgrimage. Neal: any thoughts?

7. La Rochelle

2009-10-30T13:29:00.001-07:00

Specifically the Muséum d'Histoire Naturelle in La Rochelle. The resting place of Zarafa, a Masai giraffe, the first to ever step foot on French soil when, in 1826, she arrived as a present for Charles X.

I first read about Zarafa in Michael Allin's book - Zarafa. I love giraffes, and I am not sure how I will feel about a stuffed one, but Zarafa is an interesting link between the unknown and the known. Zoos used to be better than cinema is now. A parade of wonders; of the previously impossible. Each shipment brought creatures new to most people, or only glimpsed in wildly inaccurate sketches.

On her travels across France from the south coast to Paris Zarafa drew whole towns of people desperate to see her. Nothing short of little green men could draw a similar crowd today.

So to see Zarafa, and to think about what she means now, now she has transformed from the new and the alien to the old, the dusty and the over familiar, is number seven on my list.

8. Edinburgh

2009-10-30T13:28:00.004-07:00

It looks nice. I've never been.

9. Wild Camping - Scotland

2009-10-30T13:28:00.003-07:00

Wild camping is all but illegal in England. In Scotland things are a little different.

Wild camping, for those of you who are not aware of it, is essentially what you have already guessed it is. Camping in the wild - without the 'luxuries' of the campsite. It is not, however, the silliness of 'survival' done by people like Ray Mears.

A simple definitive difference being that wild camping would be man with nature while survival is man versus nature. (I accept that using the word man and not person could be deemed as being sexist but I am quietly confident that when I go wild camping it won't be with Jo but with men - Jo would consider camping in the middle of nowhere, without showers, as being, well, a bit bloody stupid. She is right of course.)

So. Myself and a few other idiots, in tents, in a field, in Scotland, without showers.

10. Living Like A Moomin For A Little While

2009-10-30T13:28:00.001-07:00

My last holiday choice is a bit vague. It is also difficult to explain to someone unfamiliar with the books. Moomins tend to just please themselves doing things.

A house, on the coast, or even better on an island. Things washed up on the shore. Small occupations such as collecting interesting stones and tiny adventures like getting slightly lost in a nearby wood or walking to a big stone on the horizon to see what is there.

Biscuits for breakfast, a picnic at lunchtime, an over-elaborate party in the evenings now and again.

11 - 20 "Nature & The Countryside"

2009-10-30T13:27:00.004-07:00

11. See Ruffs Lekking

2009-10-30T13:27:00.003-07:00

Ruffs are quite nondescript brown things in winter but come the summer the males produce enormously elaborate feathers around their heads and necks including the huge 'ruffs' from which they get their names. Not only are they large they are also almost infinitely variable, brown, black, white, orange, plain or banded, all one colour or a mixture, these birds are a perfect example of selection based on sexual preference taken to extreme. Most birds that grow feathers for display are competing to grow the best of a particular type. With Ruff almost anything goes.

Lekking is the word given to some birds displaying to prospective mates. The Ruff lek silently, a strange dance of hops and droops, wing fluttering and crouching, with the odd interlude for attacking their rivals. To see a large group of lekking males probably involves a trip to Sweden or somewhere similar.

12. See A Common Crane

2009-10-30T13:27:00.001-07:00

I wanted to find video for this for those of you unfamiliar with common cranes. Unfortunately the only one I could find which gives some idea of their size is one in which they get down to business in - although the cameraman's reaction is pretty funny.

Crane are big bastards. Even the normally reserved Collins Bird Guide describes them as 'huge'. They have a wingspan that can be well in excess of two metres. They are also, just about, a British species, having been reintroduced a little while ago. They have managed a couple of successful attempts at breeding and their future looks reasonably bright.

They are though, despite their size, quite difficult to see. They are shy and surprisingly good at hiding. They also spend a fair amount of the year flying all over the place. It is not impossible that one will find me before I find them. We will have to see.

13. See Giraffes In The Wild

2009-10-30T13:26:00.003-07:00

Oh no! I'm spending money again!

Giraffes are the most beautiful creatures in the world. With their little horns and their deep blue tongues they are other-wordly. Nothing else I have ever seen fills me with wonder in quite the same way. Even in captivity they are infinitely captivating. To see them in the wild, to see them free to run around, would be truly amazing.

14. St Bees Head, Bempton Cliffs

2009-10-30T13:26:00.001-07:00

St Bees Head is an RSPB nature reserve on the coast near Whitehaven. In actuality the cliffs below a cliff top walk. On these cliffs nest thousands of birds. On the opposite side of the country lie Bempton Cliffs, a slightly more family friendly version with slightly different birds (gannets instead of black guillemots in case you are interested)

So spring, sun, sea and puffins. And maybe an ice cream.

15. See a Nightjar

2009-10-30T13:25:00.007-07:00

Again a video for those unfamiliar with the bird in question. It is quite a long video so you might just want to go to the last minute or so to see the nightjar's huge mouth and watch it fly off, changing itself from a brown bird to a spectral flicker.

The nightjar. Nocturnal. Increasingly rare. Both unnaturally ugly and stunningly beautiful at the same time. A special treat for a moonlit walk at the edge of some of Britain's woods in summer.

16. "Everybody knows, Badger loves..." - See badgers in the wild

2009-10-30T13:25:00.005-07:00

I am led to believe that badgers in the wild do not eat mashed potato. Nor do they disrupt the smooth running of a bed and breakfast in Brighton with their own peculiar brand of mashed potato humour. Apparently even my belief that you can find badgers by listening for their distinctive call of "allo mousy" is largely unfounded.

Real badgers are still pretty cool mind you and like so many of us I have only ever seen them as a surprisingly big lump at the side of the road. I would like to see a live one.

And If I can persuade one to live in my house, with hilarious mashed potato consequences, so much the better.

17. Be Slightly Underwhelmed by the Llangeryw Yew

2009-10-30T13:25:00.003-07:00

Trees so very rarely give satisfaction. More accurately trees that are supposed to be amazing are so often not the ones that you connect with. Nevertheless, in the interests of fairness, I have included a tree in my list. The Llangeryw Yew (I'm no Welsh speaker but from the place name I would imagine the yew outdates the village) Actually even if I couldn't work that out from the name I already know that it is true, because not only does the tree outdate the church it outdates the church; it is older than Christianity.

So a day trip to see a tree. Maybe a picnic. A local sheep's cheese perhaps.

18. One Hundred Birds In A Day

2009-10-30T13:25:00.001-07:00

This one is a bit geeky I'm afraid. Well. Its quantification is but perhaps not its motive.

It is far from impossible to see a hundred different bird species in one day. A fast car, a few different habitats and Bob's your uncle. This is NOT what I mean by a hundred birds in a day.

Rather the idea is to have a day in the country when the world is seemingly alive with wildlife. I don't go to the birds, the birds come to me.
I want to experience the variety and wonder of British birdlife in one magnificent day. A day when every tree seems to be alive with birds, where every pool is squeezed full of ducks, where every minute brings new and different sights.

So how do I achieve that? By luck I suppose. That and getting out in the countryside a bit more.

19. Visit The Worlds First Bumblebee Sanctuary

2009-10-30T13:24:00.001-07:00

I like bumblebees. I am a member of the Bumblebee Conservation Trust. They have a Bumblebee Sanctuary. I would like to go. It is that simple.

It is a twenty acre meadow beside Loch Leven. A place where bees can bumble to their hearts content.

20. Zoo Parc de Beauval

2009-10-30T13:23:00.002-07:00

I am a bit of a sucker for zoos. I have dragged Jo round Madrid, Vienna, Knowsley, South Lakes, etc... I will happily admit that zoos are in no way perfect, and in an ideal world they would be giant sprawling things the size of cities, but we don't live in an ideal world. They are an essential tool in conservation. Good zoos are also the coolest places in the world. Look at the animals! Look at the animals!

So it is no surprise that I have got a zoo on my list. I have picked Zoo Parc de Beauval because they have a family of manatee. The manatee and dugong are amongst my very favourite animals and ones that I will almost certainly not see in the wild. Sea cows are so wonderfully melancholy in their movement and so gentle. I honestly got a bit teary at the Steller's Sea Cow display at the Natural History Museum. Those poor dumb trusting things. Perhaps the greatest creature to ever breath and we wiped them out within a decade of finding them.

I cannot bring back the long dead but I can see what remains of their genetic cousins before we kill them all as well. So I'll get to see the manatee. Remind me to pack tissues for if I get a bit maudlin.

21 - 30 "Adventures/Big Days Out"

2009-10-30T13:23:00.001-07:00

21. Deep Sea Fishing

2009-10-30T13:22:00.006-07:00

Hypocrite that I am I follow up ten must-see animals with a must-kill.

Yes, I am a moron.

I have though, always been rather taken with the idea of deep sea fishing. You know the sort of thing where you are strapped to a boat and you end up with a fish so big you have your photo next to it as it hangs from a big comedy set of scales. A fish roughly the size of Andre the Giant. And everyone is wearing shorts and baseball caps.

22. Hot Air Balloon

2009-10-30T13:22:00.005-07:00

This is already booked. It was on Rob's 'things to do before he was thirty' list. Unfortunately bad weather meant he couldn't do it in time. I on the otherhand have ten years.

23 Cycle the Pennine Bridleway

2009-10-30T13:22:00.003-07:00

The Pennine Bridleway isn't finished yet. When it is it will stretch from Derbyshire to Northumberland and be approximately 350 miles long.

A cycle holiday down the 'backbone of England', a gastro pub or two, some fine cheeses, one or two local real ales...

Any questions?

24. A Day At The Zoo

2009-10-30T13:22:00.001-07:00

London Zoo has a scheme where you can be a zookeeper for a day. You get to do things like feeding the giraffes, cleaning the penguin pool, and going behind the scenes in the big cat houses. I would like to spend a day doing that.

25. Norfolk by Canoe

2009-10-30T13:21:00.004-07:00

There is a lot of water in Norfolk, with a lot of animals on it. Unfortunately boats make quite a bit of noise and tend to scare all the birds and otters away. Canoes don't make noise so floating one down the broads gives you a much closer encounter with the areas wildlife. There is also a nice element of the 'boys adventure' in being out in the wilds on a canoe with your binoculars and your packed lunch.

26. Go on a Rollercoaster

2009-10-30T13:21:00.003-07:00

I was a frightened lamb of a child. I was scared of lots of things. Consequently I have never been on a rollercoaster. I hear they are a lot of fun so I really should rectify things.

They all have silly names don't they? Apparently Thorpe Park has one called X:No Way Out. You do get up to 5.5Gs mind you, which may well wipe the condescending smile off my face.

27. Dark Sky Park - Galloway

2009-10-30T13:21:00.001-07:00

When Jo and I were in New Zealand, one evening we walked along the edge of a vinyard to a restaurant. On the way home there was almost no light pollution and for the first time in my life I understood how the Milky Way got its name. There were so many stars the sky did look milky. It was incredible, truly stunning, and made you wonder what we gave up in order to get street lighting.

I have never seen the stars of the Northern Hemisphere so clearly. The place I would like to do so is Galloway Forest Park, which has just been granted Dark Sky Park status due to its almost non-existant light pollution.

The visit would, I think, be best during a meteorite shower.

28. A Summer Solstice Adventure

2009-10-30T13:14:00.003-07:00

On the hills near where I live there is what remains of what appears to be an old shepherds dwelling. Whether it was used overnight or more permanently I'm not sure. It is very small, essentially one room with a fire place and a stone table, or possibly small bed.

I would like to walk up to the 'house' with a few friends on the night before the solstice and stay there overnight. Watching the sun go down, sharing some food, chatting the night away, and then, finally watching the sun rise for the solstice.

It goes without saying that there is no mystical reason for picking the summer solstice. I picked it for the more practical reason of having a short night and an early sunrise. I am quite happy to do it a day earlier or later for better weather.

The moors are a very different place at sunrise than they are in the day. They seem wilder. I have been up there early but never seen them go to sleep or come to life the next morning. It should be a good experience.

29. Walk the Jurassic Coast

2009-10-30T13:14:00.001-07:00

Fossils!

The Jurassic coast stretches from Exmouth to just past Swanage. It is a world heritage site. It has that honour due to its enormous geological interest.

I'm sorry, did I ever say I wasn't a geek? May we continue?

It includes ninety five miles of unspoilt cliffs and beaches and the South West Coast Path National Trail spans it. I fancy walking along that path with some friendly companions, stopping off now and again to eat an ice cream and look for fossils, and just to bask in the geological glory of it all.

30. Paragliding

2009-10-30T13:13:00.002-07:00

"They're floaty light."

This has always seemed to me to be a particularly sophisticated way to get back down a hill you have walked up. Just float back down. I'll give that a go.

31 - 40 "Food & Drink"

2009-10-30T13:13:00.001-07:00

31. The Fat Duck, Bray

2009-10-30T13:12:00.006-07:00

I won't be the only person to put The Fat Duck on a list of things to do this year. It is all but a cliché of a thing to do. It is the swimming-with-dolphins of the food world.

That doesn't alter the fact that I want to go though.

32. St John

2009-10-30T13:12:00.005-07:00

Fergus Henderson is a chef's chef. He is the man that almost single-handedly put offal back on the British menu. His restaurant is St. John in London. He does things with trotters and marrow bones. I want to eat his food.

33. Northcote

2009-10-30T13:12:00.003-07:00

Northcote is both one of Britain's best restaurants and a beautiful hotel. It is also one of the treasures of Lancashire (my home county).

I want to spend a romantic weekend there with Jo, eating delicious food and exploring the local countryside.

If you want to know why, just click on the link, all will become clear very quickly.

34. Ultimate Picnic!

2009-10-30T13:12:00.001-07:00

OK so you don't often see the word picnic garnished with an exclamation mark but that is sort of the point of this choice. To plan, create, execute, eat and enjoy the perfect picnic.

I love a picnic. One the year before last in Norfolk with very good friends springs immediately to mind. Now I want to take the picnic to the next level, to the last level, the ultimate level, the ultimate picnic!

The danger of course is to over-complicate. You don't, for example, want courses at a picnic. It has to be a collection of food randomly placed to be grazed at. There must be both quality and quantity. There must be variety but not eccentricity. It's a minefield! (actually minefields and picnics rarely mix well)

So how to measure a 'tick' for this one? What makes an ultimate picnic? I think it is probably one of those things that when it happens, you'll know. You'll just know.

35. Make Beech Leaf Noyau

2009-10-30T13:11:00.006-07:00

The recipe comes from Richard Mabey's Food For Free and is a "thickish, sweet spirit, mild and slightly oily to taste, like sake, but devastating in its effects!" It all starts with steeping young beech leaves in gin.

I have fancied making it for a while now. It is unusual and I can source it ridiculously close to home. I'll save you a bottle if you like...

36. Cheese Festival

2009-10-30T13:11:00.005-07:00

The renaissance in British food has seen the rise of the cheese festival. I think I would like to go to one of those.

37. A Day Mushrooming

2009-10-30T13:11:00.003-07:00

What could improve a walk in the woods more than picking up bits of the forest and eating them?

In France every pharmacy can, and happily will, go through the mushrooms you have picked and check that they are safe to eat. How much better a country they have in some respects! In Britain almost nobody has any expertise in mushrooms, and the majority of those who do have moved here from mainland Europe. Luckily some of those few experts run mushrooming days - a healthy mix of country walk and culinary afternoon.

So, with Boots not prepared to do its fair share, I will go on a day course and pick some mushrooms.

38. One Hundred Ice Creams

2009-10-30T13:11:00.001-07:00

I own an ice cream machine.

I love eating ice cream.

So why does the machine hide at the back of a cupboard?

That's life eh?

Well not in the Glorious Decade it isn't. The next ten years will see me make one hundred, different, ice creams. Not a massive target being as it is slightly less than one a month, but a nice total - 100 ice creams - to aim for.

So it is liberation for the ice cream machine. Viva la revolution!

39. The Devil's Toast

2009-10-30T13:10:00.005-07:00

The last time we went to Oxford, Rob took us to a Slovakian restaurant called Moya. One of their starters - The Devil's Toast - would, he assured me, give me a 'boner' it was so good.

The Devils Toast is sour dough bread topped with smoked sausage, onions, tomatoes, peppers, fresh chillies, and grilled goats milk cheese. It sounded good but there were specials and traditional bits and bobs and Jo was having it so I could try hers and...

Big mistake. The Devil's Toast is so much more than the sum of its parts. I tried Jo's and immediately started plotting how I could get more. I want more. I will have to go back.

40. Caviar (and fine wine)

2009-10-30T13:10:00.003-07:00

How much better is proper caviar? How much better is expensive wine? I suppose there is only one way to find out. By spending lots of money.

Lots of money...

Lucky I have ten years to save up isn't it.

If we say, what, £2 a week, every week, for ten years, that would make... £1040. Sod it, we'll say £3 a week. That makes £1560 at the end of the decade. To be spent, frittered if you like, on caviar and fine wine.

A glass of very expensive wine in one hand and a mother-of-pearl spoon laced with glistening beluga eggs in the other. A fitting end to a glorious decade, and a nice way to start planning the next one.

41 - 50 "Life"

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41. Breed

2009-10-30T13:09:00.002-07:00

Baby Cynical! Hooray! Hooray!

If I am to pass my genes on then sooner is the better of later. I don't want to be too old when my child scores the winning goal in the World Cup. (Of course I know that might not happen. She might not like playing football. I know that. I know that.)

I have none of those liberal "I couldn't bring a child into this terrible world" hang-ups. This world is mint! Have you seen the choice of second hand books on Amazon Marketplace? Have you been to the seaside? Have you tried Gorgonzola? Have you heard Roxy Music's first two albums? This world is quality.

And so, this decade, barring biological hiccups, I would like to become a dad. Too be honest I have been getting increasingly clucky since Jo and I tied the knot and I don't think it will be long now before we see the pitter patter of tiny, cynical feet.

42. Lose Weight

2009-10-30T13:09:00.001-07:00

I have started on this one already.

I am not a massive man but I have a bit of a belly. It needs to go.

As I say I have started already, 9lbs down and about a stone to go (I think, once the belly has gone I don't need to lose any more weight for the sake of it do I?)

Once it has gone I need to make sure it stays gone. Some cycling, some walking, a little less chocolate...that should do it.

43. A Nice Wardrobe

2009-10-30T13:08:00.003-07:00

So if I'm no longer a fatty I can wear nice clothes again.

Number 43: To open my wardrobe and not see any loose, baggy T-shirts that cover up my beer belly. No jeans that the knee is about to go in. No odd socks. No crap old pants. No coats that no one could love. Just clothes that I love and that I look good in. Not necessarily anything expensive or particularly trendy but things that I feel good about wearing.

44. The 'Last' Move

2009-10-30T13:08:00.001-07:00

I love our little house but it only has room for a child or my books. Short of giving up the idea of being parents I can only see one solution; moving.

I do not however want to spend the rest of my life moving house. The next move has to be the 'last' move. The move to the big family house. Putting to one side for a moment matters of cost it would be a big topsy-turvy, chaotic farmhouse with a library and a giant kitchen. Putting cost back into the equation... well, we will have to wait and see won't we.

45. Spend an Anniversary at Walcott

2009-10-30T13:07:00.006-07:00

Two photos showing the inside and outside of the converted chapel in the woods surrounding Walcott Hall where Jo and I stayed the week before getting married in the main hall. Shropshire is a very under-rated holiday destination. It is also a beautiful location for a perfect wedding.

We would like to go back there to spend an anniversary.

(Oh yeah, and try not to get too excited at the sight of me in my dressing gown; the lady to my left in the photo is Jo who is very much the love of my life.)

46. Enter a Pointless World Championships

2009-10-30T13:07:00.005-07:00

Conkers, Nettle eating, Black Pudding Throwing, Pooh sticks... There are a lot of very silly world championships. Essentially they are a big day out and a bit of fun but at the same time there is that aspect of competitiveness. I can't seem to find a Kerbie World Championships (which I would defo win) but I will find something else, enter, and fail to win. As Homer Simpson so wisely said "when it comes to sport it isn't about who wins or loses but how drunk you get."

Oh - and to those two ten year olds on youtube playing kerbie:

No. That is not a "world championship" match.
The ball has to roll back at least half way, not just hit the kerb.
What's all this throwing from the middle of the road after a score? That's how little girls play. Little girls and nine year olds.

47. A Big Family Christmas

2009-10-30T13:07:00.003-07:00

This choice relies on choice 44 (big house) and choice 41 (have a child or two) to be feasible. I would like, at least once, to host a big family Christmas. Parents, step-parents, children, brothers and sisters etc etc...

I would like my children to have Christmases as good as the ones I remember from my childhood. Oh sure, there will be arguments and grumps and really bad films with Tim Allen in but isn't that what Christmas is all about? That and fun of course. And food. Lots of food. Tim Allen, happiness and lots and lots of lovely food.

48. Run For Parliament

2009-10-30T13:07:00.001-07:00

I will probably only get one shot at this one, some time in the middle of the decade. My reasons for wanting to run are completely egotistical and for that I make no apology. How much cooler would your obituary look if halfway through it said "in 2016 he/she decided to run for parliament"?

You're thinking about it now aren't you?

Rules?

Yes:

I have to make every effort to reclaim my deposit
I have to have really cool badges
Really, really cool badges
Did I mention badges
Oooh and balloons

49. Grow a Beard

2009-10-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

This is perhaps the most controversial of all my choices because officially I am banned from growing a beard. Actually, growing a beard is just about the only thing I am banned from doing. The agreement with Jo is that I can grow a beard when I am 100 and not before.

There is something alluring about growing a beard though isn't there? Maybe it is the post-drugs Beatles with their massive beards. Maybe it is Ginsberg. Maybe beards are just fun. I don't know.

I do know I want, at some point in the next ten years, to temporarily sport one. I'm sure an opportunity will occur, a small window of opportunity, where a beard can be grown. Just to see what it looks like. Just to have, for a short time, a beard.

50. Research My Family Tree

2009-10-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

I am not a big fan of BBC's "Who do you think you are?" It always strikes me as being incredibly silly the way they cry about what happened to their great-great-grandparents. Silly and offensive too really because it is essentially saying "I knew that the famine/genocide/war/etc was a terrible thing but it never affected me emotionally but now that I know that my relative was there, now it is about me, I think I will cry." Self obsessed nonsense.

Like much television though it only makes an insufferable thing out of a good premise. The idea of researching your family tree is sound, and I imagine quite interesting.

I would like to know how tied to Walsall my roots are. Where did the Judge's come from. How long have the Dawsons been in Walsall (possibly, but very unlikely, they have been there since the first Celts moved to the area - Walsall means valley of the Celts - more likely they moved to the area with the industrial revolution - it would be interesting to find out where from)

It is a fallacy, I think, to try and claim some sort of heritage from your family tree. Nothing is more ridiculous than Americans buying their 'family' kilt or people pretending to be Irish on St Patrick's day. Rather the exercise gives you an interesting piece of social history and allows you to see how your family has been weaved into the fabric of history.

51 - 60 "Things to make and do"

2009-10-30T13:00:00.002-07:00

51. Record an Album

2009-10-30T13:00:00.001-07:00

Let's be clear. I do not want to be signed. I do not want to be a pop star. I do not want to go on Top of the Pops (well maybe Top of the Pops). All I want is to record an album of the, to most ears, almost listenable drivel that Dan and I produce when left to our own devices for too long. 2010 will start with the launch of our exciting new blog Daniel and Benjamin's Country Diary which is a combination of nature jottings and very dubious electronic noise making. Ideologically we are a sort of 'anti-folk' band, more likely to be lost in the countryside than becoming at one with it. Musically, well, I suppose points of reference might be LFO, The Pet Shop Boys, drunk tramps with recorders, a washing machine falling down a stairwell, a dog being sick, Ann Widdicombe stuck in a lift trying to get help by kicking the door with her chunky shoes and bellowing commands to non-existent maintenance men, etc

The Internet has given idiots like Dan and myself a beautiful opportunity to, shall we say 'place', our, shall we say 'music', in the public realm. Who are we to refuse it eh?

52. A Bit Of Carpentry

2009-10-30T12:59:00.010-07:00

Imagine you are sitting around the kitchen table with your family. Now imagine you had made that table. That you had designed that table that your family eat around. That you had made the chairs they sit on.

It would be nice wouldn't it.

I'd like to have a go at that.

53. Pottery

2009-10-30T12:59:00.009-07:00

I have always wanted to make a pot. Class sizes in the comprehesives of the West Midlands meant that it was never going to be an option at school but as an adult I should be able to find a night school course to enrol on. I do not want to make anything especially graceful or elegant. Just a pot. Something to put bits and bobs in. Something with my name on the bottom.

54. Make a Pizza Oven in the Garden

2009-10-30T12:59:00.007-07:00

Another choice that requires a move to a bigger house, or at least a house with a bigger garden.

Imagine if you could make proper pizzas at home. In your garden. Or bread. In a big bad oven in the garden. That's what I want to be able to do. Put a big ol' pizza on a wooden shovel and shoot it into the oven for a couple of minutes and then pull it out all crisp and cheesy with bits of black charring its bottom.

Proper pizza from a proper oven.

55. Learn More French

2009-10-30T12:59:00.005-07:00

Bonjour.

j'm appelle Ben.

Avez vous un plan de la ville?

Ou et le....

It needs work.

56. Saturn's Rings

2009-10-30T12:59:00.003-07:00

I would like to look at Saturn through a very big telescope. Observatory big. I would like to get a really good look at it (or at least as good as possible without leaving earth) A closeish encounter with a big, bad, beautiful planet.

57. Best of cycling...

2009-10-30T12:59:00.001-07:00

I love watching the cycling on television but I get the impression that, as with most sports, the live experience would be so much more exciting.

This one is a two-parter:

Part One: Go to a velodrome (preferably Manchester) to see a world class cycling event.

Part Two: Be sitting on a hill with some local cheese and crusty bread as the Tour de France rides by.

58. Learn to play a musical instrument

2009-10-30T12:58:00.006-07:00

Despite the fact that I have been in several 'bands' over the years I have never actually gone to the effort of actually learning to play an instrument. I think I should rectify that over the next ten years.

I am thinking about the electric ukulele. There is a rather marvelous white V-shape one I have my eye on.

59. Some Football...

2009-10-30T12:58:00.005-07:00

When it comes to football I definitely don't get out enough. I haven't been to a match for years. There is a reason for that. I support Walsall. Allow me to clarify that statement. I want them to do well but I am under no compulsion to actually part with any money in order to back that goodwill up if it means I have to watch an hour and a half of scrappy scrappy football. Sorry Walsall. There are a few teams I would like to watch play though. And they are:

Manchester United (preferably when they get their act together)

Arsenal (preferably thrashing a more mortal team)

Barcelona (at home)

Brazil

Argentina

Holland

England

A.C. Roma (at home)

P.S.V. Eindhoven (at home)

The Faroe Isles (at home, as much for the experience as the football)

60. Go to the 2012 Olympics

2009-10-30T12:58:00.003-07:00

The best thing about the Olympics being in Britain is the chance of seeing the very best athletes in the world compete for glory. I want to go and see some Olympics.

61 - 70 "Literature

2009-10-30T12:58:00.001-07:00

61. Spending the Christmas Money in the Bookshop in Alnwick

2009-10-30T12:57:00.007-07:00

Jo and I are planning on going to Alnwick in January so this could very well be the first tick. Barter Books in Alnwick is a converted railway station all full of books. I take the Christmas money. I spend the Christmas money on books. Everyone is happy. (Except possibly Jo who has been known to make the odd barbed comment regarding available shelf space in our house now and again)

62. Shakespeare

2009-10-30T12:57:00.005-07:00

Shakespeare is good on the page but it was written to be played. Of course many an adaptation sends you back to hide within the text where the actors in your head don't mug the jokes or proclaim heartfelt sentiments at full volume like someone shouting across a busy railway platform, but, when Shakespeare is performed well it can add levels of depth to your understanding of the play or make you look at it in a new way.

Number 62. then is to see five of my favourite Shakespeare plays performed, and performed well. A bad version will not a tick make.

King Richard II: My favourite of the histories and also my favourite of all of Shakespeare's plays. Love those words.

A Midsummer Night's Dream: I thought I would go for a mix of genre and this is by far my favourite of the comedies. The setting of the play elevates it above the level of the normal "king has two daughters with hilarious consequences" plays and also gives a more forgivable excuse for the inevitable coincidences and confusions of identity that litter these things.

Hamlet: An obvious choice but there is no arguing with this plays position as the greatest ever. Is there?

King Lear: A second tragedy and perhaps the one that some would argue betters Hamlet. It doesn't, but it is damn good.

Timon of Athens: I thought I would pick one of the more 'problematic' of Shakespeare's plays. Those that are beset with controversies of authorship or are not seen as being 'up to scratch' with the rest of the work. I like Timon of Athens though, I like it a lot. It may of course take a bit more effort to find a performance but that is all part of the fun.

63. A Dance to the Music of Time: Ten Twentieth Century Classics

2009-10-30T12:57:00.003-07:00

A list of ten Twentieth Century Classics that I keep meaning to get round to reading and that I will read in the next ten years:

A Dance to The Music of Time: Anthony Powell
In Search of Lost Time: Marcel Proust
The Empire Trilogy: J.G.Farrell
The Second World War: Sir Winston Churchill
The Recognitions: William Gaddis
Gravity's Rainbow: Thomas Pynchon
The Quartet: A.S. Byatt
Finnegans Wake: James Joyce
East of Eden: John Steinbeck
Red Riding Quartet: David Peace

64. The Complete Sandman

2009-10-30T12:57:00.001-07:00

I read Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics when I live in Brighton. I read it in fits and starts, buying the collected volumes when price and funds allowed. Although, in their original published form of separate comics, they were intended to be read one at a time, I would like to read the full body of work in one go to better enjoy the interweaving of stories and character.

A real treat of a day or two, just me, a big pile of Sandman volumes, some suitable music (Tom Waits' Dead and Lovely springs to mind, maybe some of the more maudlin Louis Armstrong, perhaps some Schnittke) a few canapés (of a nicely eccentric bent) and a coffee or two.

65. Haworth

2009-10-30T12:56:00.004-07:00

I live about ten miles from Haworth, home of the Brontës. I really should make the most of that by firstly reading:

Wuthering Heights (read last year)
Jane Eyre
Villette
The Professor
Shirley
The Green Dwarf
The Foundling
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
Agnes Grey
The Poetry
Bramwell's bits and bobs

Then visiting the Brontë museum in Haworth and exploring the moors that inspired a lot of the work, particularly Wuthering Heights.

66. Lud's Church

2009-10-30T12:56:00.003-07:00

Lud's church is not, in the strictest sense, a church. It is a millstone grit chasm. It has a loose religious past though being tied with both Pagans and Christians.

It has also been linked to the 'Green Chapel' of Gawain and the Green Knight which is how it has found it's way into the Literature section. It is a place of myth and imagination, all the regular suspects queue up to be associated with it, Bonny Prince Charlie, Robin Hood, Friar Tuck...

It is also in Staffordshire, the county I grew up in and should perhaps know a little better than I do. So it is off to see the Green Knight and to walk among the moss and the stone.

67. Three Men In A Boat

2009-10-30T12:56:00.001-07:00

Three Men In A Boat by Jerome K Jerome is one of my very favourite books, it isn't really about a boat trip between Kingston and Oxford as a large part of the book is a series of reflections and anecdotes and very little is really described of the journey. That is one of the main jokes of the book. Trying to re-enact the journey would be pointless and pretty preposterous.

So I thought why not eh? If nothing else the planning stages will give me a reason to re-read the book.

68. Ladybird, Ladybird

2009-10-30T12:54:00.003-07:00

I am a big fan of Ladybird books. I have a small collection. I would like a large collection.

The books form a section of the history of childhood in this country. They are also a fascinating form of social history in themselves. There were well over 600 different titles published in the fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties - many are very rare. I am not interested in collecting first editions or expensive oddities as it is the contents and not the value of the books that interests me. I am not going to start paying large sums of money for them but I would like to take my collection from about one hundred to the four hundred mark by visiting a few jumble sales and charity shops.

69. Write a Novel

2009-10-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

Easy one this. Write a novel.

The aim is not to get it published (see choice 99 for that) the aim is simply to write it. To write a novel that I am happy with. To prove to myself that I can do it. They say everyone has a book in them. That is a lie - most people don't - look at Ben Elton. I am hoping I do.

70. Ten Nineteenth Century Writers

2009-10-30T12:46:00.002-07:00

Like the list of Twentieth Century texts, these Nineteenth Century Writers are ones that I either have under-read or not got round to. The next decade should see me reading

Austen: The complete works
Dostoevsky: Crime and Punishment, The Idiot
Dumas: The Count of Monte Cristo
Eliot: Middlemarch, The Mill on the Floss, Silas Mariner
Flaubert: Madame Bovary, A Sentimental Education
Gogol: Dead Souls, Diary of a Madman
Hardy: The Return of the Native
Melville: Moby Dick
Thackeray: Vanity Fair
Tolstoy: Anna Karenina, War and Peace

71-80 "Arts/Culture"

2009-10-30T12:46:00.001-07:00

71. Own a Steve Bell Drawing

2009-10-30T12:45:00.017-07:00

The next decade will see me expanding my little art collection. The artist whose work I would most like to own something by is Steve Bell.

He is almost completely fearless, horribly, wonderfully funny, beautifully intelligent, and a damn fine artist as well. His imagination is superb. He is by far the greatest political cartoonist of his generation.

72. Go and see Gerald Brockhurst's By The Hills

2009-10-30T12:45:00.015-07:00

Gerald Brockhurst's portrait of Lady Marguritte is housed in the Ferens Art Gallery in Hull is one of my very favourite paintings and I have never seen it 'in the flesh'. Having recently used the internet to track it down all that remains is to make the, rather pricey, train journey to go and view it.

73. Visit the National Portrait Gallery

2009-10-30T12:45:00.013-07:00

At some point, when I am in London, I would like to visit the National Portrait Gallery. As yet I haven't managed to.

74. A Nice Collection of Things

2009-10-30T12:45:00.011-07:00

I am a bit of a gatherer. I like nice things. I would like, over the decade, to (to use a pretentious phrase) 'pick up a few things' to add to my little collection. A few bits of Old Hall, a Midwinter tea cup or two, a few more old cameras...

I am a sucker for design. Function is all very well and good but when something is both technically and ascetically pleasing it makes life that little bit more special doesn't it?

I suppose the best way I could quantify this choice is to say at the end of the decade the house will be full (but not overfull) of 'nice things'. That things we own are on the whole, dare I say it, fabulous. And remember, buying nice things from antique shops, car boot sales, flea markets, is a form of recycling. I am just doing my bit for the planet!

75. Singing Ringing Tree

2009-10-30T12:45:00.009-07:00

Up on a hill, above Burnley, sits the Singing Ringing Tree. (sorry that wasn't meant to rhyme - it sounded a bit like a children's tv theme) (sorry - that half rhyme was also unintentional)

Anyway...

The Singing Ringing Tree is a great example of the 'put a big lump of something somewhere for the people' school of sculpture. A great example in that unlike many it is rather imaginative and quite a bit of fun. The tubes position is designed so that it makes a low, sweet song on the hill, but that one that will not upset local wildlife.

So I would like to walk up there and hear it sing.

76. Bruce Willis Fest

2009-10-30T12:45:00.007-07:00

What is a Bruce Willis Fest?

Well. Let me explain...

I love the Willis. Love his films, love his tv work, heck, I even love his albums.

So why not celebrate this love with a mini film festival?

But then if something is worth doing...

At the very least Bruce Willis Fest would have to include Blind Date, The Return Of Bruno, Sunset, Die Hard, In Country, Die Hard 2, Bonfire of the Vanities, Hudson Hawk, The Last Boy Scout, Death Becomes Her, Striking Distance, North, Pulp Fiction, Die Hard With A Vengeance, Twelve Monkeys, Last Man Standing, Fifth Element, The Jackal, Mercury Rising, Armageddon, The Siege, Breakfast of Champions, The Story of Us, The Whole Nine Yards, Disney's The Kid, Unbreakable, Bandits, Hart's War, Tears Of The Sun, The Whole Ten Yards, Hostage, Sin City, 16 Blocks, Lucky Number Slevin, Perfect Stranger, Live Free or Die Hard, What Just Happened, Assassination of a High School President, Surrogates...

Then there are all the films with cameos, what about them?

And what about Moonlighting? There are 67 episodes.

Essentially his career will need to be squeezed into five 15 hour days (9am - midnight, Monday to Friday) A week of Willis.

Perhaps the most difficult part of Bruce Willis Fest will be convincing anyone else on earth to accompany me. The most obvious candidates are Big Bad Bob and Dan; two men with strong stomachs, long boredom thresholds and a love of the great man.

Anyone else? If you fancy a bit of Willis and want to sign up for Bruce Willis Fest, or if you can recommend particular episodes of Moonlighting or even if you just want to give any messages of support or encouragement, then drop a comment in the comments box.

77. A Night At The Opera

2009-10-30T12:45:00.005-07:00

Specifically to see my favourite opera - Boris Godunov by Mussorgsky.

78. This Is Cinerama

2009-10-30T12:45:00.003-07:00

Before there was IMAX there was Cinerama. Cinerama, the widest of wide screens was an attempt by the cinema industry to compete with television. To give people a reason, a need, to come to the cinema.

At the National Media Museum in Bradford they still occasionally show This Is Cinerama the film made to show off the new technology. It is a three hour slice of America, a film buffs treat, and, as the designers of Cinerama intended, not an experience that can be re-created in the comfort of your own home.

79. Portmeirion

2009-10-30T12:45:00.001-07:00

The Prisoner is still amongst the very finest things to have appeared on television. If you are unfamiliar with it do yourself a favour and forget about the remake - go here and buy yourself a treat.

The series was filmed in Portmeirion is in essence a Mediterranean-Italian village resort but in North Wales. I have been before but there was one problem with it. The tourists. I know, I know, I was a tourist too, but it was the number of them not what they were doing. I would like to stay there for a night or two, to wake up at six in the morning and walk around a bit. Take it all in before the people turn up.

80. Festival

2009-10-30T12:44:00.003-07:00

It has been over ten years since I last went to a festival, and while I could never go back to Reading and have never fancied the BBC Glastonbury festival, there are other, more interesting festivals to explore.

It would be interesting to go to a festival with more than twenty pounds in my pocket. It would be interesting to be able to not carry everything there in an army sack.

As good as the line-up usually is at All Tomorrows Parties, and as much as like the chalet idea, it will have to be an outdoor festival. It isn't really the same indoors. I will have to go with people who love music - I have bad memories of being with a crowd with more interest in drinking than checking out new bands. The longer I leave it, the more 'family friendly' the event will have to be. That could be a good thing mind you. A relaxed atmosphere, a summery atmosphere, that could be nice.

81-90 "Britain"

2009-10-30T12:44:00.001-07:00

81. Isle of Man

2009-10-30T12:43:00.011-07:00

My interest in the Isle of Man was sparked by, of all things, David Baddiel's flawed, but surprisingly good novel The Secret Purposes. The novel tells of its use as a location for internment camps in the Second World War where many of Britain's Jews where placed in case they were Nazi sympathisers (I know, I know) The island became both a sort of mild prison and at the same time a place where a fair proportion of the Jewish intelligentsia of Europe were gathered. Consequently it was simultaneously an insufferable condition to be in but also an exciting place to be. Some of its inhabitants later found themselves nostalgic for their prison town.

The Isle of Man though has always had a quirky history. It has been inhabited for about eight thousand years. it has been Norwegian, Scottish, English and now exists as a an odd sort of jumble of treaties and agreements. It is not part of the UK, it is not in the EU, it is not a state, it just is what it is. I would like to go and explore it some. Especially as it is so close by.

82. Manchester Town Hall Tour

2009-10-30T12:43:00.009-07:00

Have you ever noticed how it is always the tourist attractions right on your doorstep that you never get round to doing? Or at least one of them anyway. I have been talking about going on one of the tours around Manchester Town Hall for years now. Pretty much since I moved to Manchester around five years ago. Time to get it booked.

83. Stay at the Midland Hotel Morecombe

2009-10-30T12:43:00.007-07:00

In its heyday the Art Deco masterpiece Midland Hotel in Morecambe was frequented by the likes of Coco Chanel and Ivor Norvello but over the years, like Morecambe itself, its glamour faded and it was forgotten. However it has been restored to its former glory by Urban Splash and is ready for glamourous visiters once more. And if they're going why can't I? This is one of my 'romantic weekend with Jo' choices. A day by the seaside. A raspberry ripple with a flake in it. A walk along the promanade. Then a meal in the hotel looking out to sea.

84. Here Come The Romans!

2009-10-30T12:43:00.005-07:00

I can hardly do 'Britain' without the Romans can I? Especially as I live in Mamucium (now more commonly referred to as Manchester)

A list is called for here I think:

Hardknott Roman Fort: Pictured above, Hardknott is what remains of the Romans on a mountain in the Lake District about 1900 years after it was built. The imagination cannot help but be struck by how odd it must have been for many of those garrisoned here to experience the weather of Cumbria after only knowing that of the Mediterranean. They must have wondered what was worth conquering at times as they moved toward Scotland to ever colder climes. I may as well pop up Scafell Pike while I'm there too.
Bath: Specifically the rather self absorbed day described here. A session in the spa, a ticket to the baths and a three course meal. Pass the larks tongues!
Wall: Letocetum Roman Baths and Museum is another pick from near where I grew up that I never got round to going to. Largely in this case due to not being interested when I was younger.
Brading Roman Villa: An award winning exhibition on the Isle of Wight with some wonderful looking mosaics.
The boundaries: Hardrian's Wall and the Antonine Wall and the walking along and exploration of them.

85. Eden Project

2009-10-30T12:43:00.003-07:00

Doesn't everyone want to go here? A massive green house full of big ol' plants.

86. Walsall Leather Museum

2009-10-30T12:43:00.001-07:00

You may not know this but Walsall, the town of my birth, was once famous across Europe for the quality of the saddles and other leather works that it produced. Very little remains today of that industry but one thing that does is the Walsall Leather Museum. My family, like many in Walsall, were once employed by the leather industry and yet I have never got round to visiting this museum. Next time I am down there perhaps. Maybe I will take my mom.

87. Stay at The House In The Sea

2009-10-30T12:42:00.006-07:00

The bridge in the photo takes you from mainland Cornwall to The House In The Sea. A bed and breakfast that is a little out of the ordinary. Without the bridge the only way up to the house would be to start climbing

Another 'romantic weekend with Jo' choice here. There does seem to be few of them doesn't there.

88. Fitzpatrick's Temperance Bar, Rawtenstall

2009-10-30T12:42:00.005-07:00

This is another 'local' choice. Fitzpatrick's is the oldest surviving temperance bar in Britain. Since 1890 it has been offering delicious alternatives to the evil of alcohol.

I want to sample their award winning Sarsaparilla, and their Dandelion and Burdock.

And then maybe go to the pub?

89. Visit the Callanish Stones

2009-10-30T12:42:00.003-07:00

I have a long running argument with Dan, and sometimes Aidan, about whether an Iron Age hill fort is, as they claim, a fascinating detour on a walk or, as I insist, a rather underwhelming lump of soil.

OK, I'm wrong. I know I'm wrong. But I do enjoy winding them up.

One aspect of our past that is undeniably awe inspiring though is the stone circle, and this is the one I would most like to go and see.

Actually the Callinish stones are not one site but a series of over ten sites. They are located on the West coast of Lewis, which means a trip to the Outer Hebrides, and another holiday! Hooray!

90. The Welsh 3000s Challenge

2009-10-30T12:42:00.001-07:00

To complete The Welsh 3000s Challenge you have to reach the top of all fifteen of the mountains in Wales to be over 3000 ft in 24 hours without using transport. It is roughly thirty miles with, as you can imagine, a fair bit of up and down. A lot of Snowdonia in a short period of time.

What better way to see one of the most beautiful parts of Britain than to be on top of all its tall bits in one day?

I will need to be fitter than I am now to complete this without quite a bit of pain. To complete it all really. This is another reason to include it in the list though as it is another excuse to get fit.

91-100 "The really quite difficult"

2009-10-30T12:38:00.003-07:00